10.28.2014

wedding moments, part 2

hey, i just want to say that i know my writing about my wedding (well, and in general) is pretty over-the-top - i get that; i'm aware. but the passionate language is just kind of the point...if the title of this blog and my little blurb doesn't warn you sufficiently...lots of adjectives and dramatic descriptions are my schtick. i genuinely feel that language is so inadequate in expressing the experiences of mortality, but i'm pretty determined to make it work...and with my schtick as a starting off point, certainly the best and biggest 56 hours of my life will yield some dramatic writing. i certainly want to remember those hours as vividly as possible, and i really did feel them deeply.

i also want to say how tremendously grateful i am for my family and friends and all the sacrifices they made to be present at my wedding and to be so amazingly helpful in making it such a dreamy, magical weekend. the boy and i wanted our wedding to be a celebration of not just us, but of everyone who impacted our lives in a way that led to our love and decision to be each other's forever. a huge part of our wedding planning was thinking of things we could do to make not just ourselves feel special but especially to make our loved ones feel special. we wrote personal letters to all of our wedding dinner guests, spent a lot of time making sure that everyone liked what we asked them to wear, had friends and family weigh in on menu items and seating arrangements, contributed financially to travel expenses, and expressed gratitude as much as possible in the midst of the whirlwind of wedding festivities.

our friends and family were so generous and loving in offering to help execute the plans that i worked very, very hard on (and the boy contributed too! :) ) so that we could really peacefully enjoy our events (and because we don't live in the same place where we got married!). we will forever be so grateful for everything they did, from creating table numbers to picking up rental items to greeting vendors to coordinating shuttles to setting up music. i couldn't even make it to our hotel without shooting off some texts and emails of thankfulness. we were so eager to know how things went behind the scenes, and it has been pretty fun to learn about the adventures that happened when we weren't around! it's an amazing thing to have so many people who desire your joy and support your pivotal life events so loyally that the stress of helping to execute your so carefully made plans and dreams is truly an adventure rather than an ordeal.

the boy and i both can't stop talking to each other about how grateful we are to our family and friends, who came from texas, pennsylvania, ohio, arizona, massachussetts, hawaii, new york, california, china, colorado, virginia, washington and various parts of utah to celebrate with us. and it was truly celebration, all around.

okay...to pick up where i left off...some amazing, transcendent, gorgeous, joyful, magnificent, sublime, celestial moments from our wedding day (how's that for overkill? :) ) --

{it was the most beautiful, perfect autumn day on october 9 - brisk but balmy with slanty sunlight. we'd been hoping and praying so hard for good weather, and we had the best!}


-when the boy and i first met in a room in the temple dressed in our temple clothes, we had the best hug. everything was just so surreal. looking back on it feels like i was totally floating through it all. we got to sit together in an intensely beautiful and peaceful place for quite some time together. we weren't sure when we were going to be instructed to enter the sealing room, so we just drank it all in. i remember feeling soooooo in love and sooooo at peace.

-walking into the sealing room, crammed with the people we love most in the world, each watching us with such a glow of love and excitement - wow, that was a spectacular moment. we took our seats and it was quiet and still for a couple of minutes before our sealer arrived. i scanned the room and gosh, there just aren't words for that feeling. my fingertips were tingling and the boy's body was trembling next to mine. the air was heavy. i've thought about being in that spot in space and time quite a lot in my life, and there i was. it was just indescribably sweet.

-when we knelt across the altar from each other, and as the sealer pronounced the words of the ordinance, the boy looked deep, deep into my eyes and did not look away. it was like everything else was a little hazy around his face, but his face was so so crystal clear.

-after the words were said and we were sealed (!!!), the sealer said, playfully, "well, a kiss across the altar is not technically part of the sealing ceremony, so we can skip it if you want," to which the boy confidently replied, "no way." that was surely the best kiss ever. the sealer mentioned that it was sufficient and i mentioned that we could continue if he wanted us to :)

-as i slipped a wedding band onto my new husband's finger, i felt completely and utterly sure that we would keep our promises to each other and to god forever.

-we got to give a hug to each guest as they left the sealing room. this was the tenderest part of the day for me. the constant flow of different brands of love that i have for each person in that room ran through my veins and i just felt doused with adoration and appreciation. every embrace was so so special. oh my goodness, just thinking about it now makes me feel so full up with joy and love.

-after changing into my wedding dress and getting all ready for pictures with my mom and sister saydi, we walked down a long corridor to meet the boy. when we came to an intersection with another corridor, the temple worker who was helping us peeked around the corner to see if the boy was there ready to meet me. i was so bubbly inside and my mom and sister and i giggled together as she spied quickly :) he was there, so i walked around the corner and he had his "first look" at my dress, at me as his wife. i keep saying this! but it was just the best moment - the most pleasing, honeyed, melodious moment of true love.

-we walked together up the stairs to the exit doors, beyond which all our family and friends were waiting for us to emerge. our photographer was there to greet us and give us some instructions and it was this little mini frenzy as a temple worker tried to make sure everyone was ready and my sister splayed out my train and the boy and i looked at each other incredulously, like "this is happening!!" and then we opened the doors to lots of cheers and then so many little hugs.

 to be continued...

10.27.2014

wedding moments, part 1

all our wedding festivities have culminated. we had a really wonderful time celebrating in texas in the boy's hometown on the 18th and last saturday was our palo alto reception. we are just blown away at how beautiful, lovely, and fun all of the events have been. we are so incredibly grateful for all of our loved ones who helped to make this happen.

i've spent some energy in the last seventeen days or so trying to figure out if my feeling that our wedding was just so so so tremendously magical and perfect and lovely and the best is just because it was our wedding, or if it really was that good...! i mean, i really can't get over it. i think i was worried that, knowing myself, i would be let down by how things turned out in some way or another. but the complete opposite was true - it was so much better than i could have ever imagined. it was so amazing and happy and fun and special and wonderful. all the work planning really paid off, an hundred fold (and i think our friends and family who put in so much work behind the scenes on the actual weekend and the following saturdays in texas and california feel the same sentiment :) ). it's so crazy that it's all over - that feels simultaneously tragic and triumphant.

during all the festivities in utah (and the other locations, too!), i just tried so hard to sear how everything looked and sounded and tasted and felt right onto my heart, super permanently. and on the plane home to california from utah after our mini-honeymoon, i wrote in my journal some of the moments from our wedding weekend that i want to remember forever, ever.

i felt such a total and luxe brand of calm throughout everything (except a couple moments of rush and chaos, of course!), which was surprising and so wonderful. i was euphorically excited and buoyantly happy, but the calmness pervaded everything entirely, like a super sweet coating on my glowing heart. it was pretty amazing.

until our official pictures come through, i'd love to share a collection of haphazardly collected iphone/sibling camera photos along with some of the favourite moments that i wrote down in my journal. {gosh, i wish i had a perfect picture of every single minute!} this will have to come in installments since there was just soooo much magic and joy october 8th, 9th and 10th (and october 18th in texas and october 25th in california!)

-i felt incredulously happy that my wedding eve had come and that i had so many people i love so dearly around me to celebrate as i looked down a table at my favourite restaurant filled with my favourite women.
{my best friend from basically birth planned a little "bachelorette" lunch for sisters, moms, sister-in-laws and bridesmaids. after eating my favourite meal on earth (dodo roasted turkey sandwich), many of us went to a random little nail salon for manicures and pedicures}

 -i heeded some sage advice of my sister saydi and stopped in my tracks to soak in the merriment and pure goodness at our family dinner. {we gathered our immediate families at the common space in my parents' downtown apartment building for pizza and toasts/roasts and getting to know each other.} in that sliver of time, i was just overcome with love and gratitude for the family i grew up in, the family that gave me my soulmate, and the new family the boy and i were creating together. as i surveyed the room, everything seemed slow and clear amidst the loud, messy, colorful chaos (lots of excited kids!). my heart was floored.
-as the last clean-up was happening after the family dinner, i stole the boy away for a walk across the street to temple square. the autumn weather was so kind, and the temple was bright and white against the indigo night sky. we sat on a bench underneath a tree, our entire vision filled up by the temple in front of us, and shared a moment of such true love sharing some gifts and saying a prayer. it was very tender and golden.
{my sisters and i took a walk around temple square a little later, too, and our conversation and the moment in time felt so surreal but really incredibly glad}
-i woke up on the day of my wedding and put on my running shoes as the dim first light of day snuck in the windows and the house was super silent with sleeping. when i left the house, my lungs were immediately invigorated with mountain air and all the cells of my body were awake with this biggest-day-of-my-life thrill. i ran up the hill, turned around and bam! there was the nearly full moon, hanging so soft in the pale sky above the ruddy colors of fall just barely being illuminated, seeming like a calming little gift from heaven. i prayed and i practiced what i wanted to say at our wedding dinner that night as i ran. and i felt so tremendously peaceful and so ready.
-my mom and i drove together to the sisters' breakfast we had on the wedding morning - just the two of us. the autumn colors coming down parley's canyon to east canyon to emigration canyon were just breathtakingly beautiful, swimming in the crystal clear morning light. we ooohed and ahhhed and then, when we parked the car, we shared a misty moment laced with sweetness that only a mother-daughter relationship can generate.


-my sisters and sister-in-laws presented me with a special-made book of advice and recipes as we ate breakfast at ruth's diner (the same place the boy picked me up from when he surprised me with our proposal trip!). i sat in the very middle of these women that i admire, appreciate and adore more than i could ever put into words and felt like my heart was clobbering all my other organs. also, the biscuits at ruth's diner are really out of this world delicious.
-after i got my hair done and did my makeup at my parents' condo downtown, i said goodbye to my sisters and mom and rode down the elevator by myself, everything silent and still. on the ground floor, i turned the corner to the lobby and there was the boy, waiting for me, beaming, with a rose in hand (bless him!). i don't think we said a word, just hugged so tight. i felt joy from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet. we walked across the street together, sat on the edge of the reflecting pool and said a prayer, and then entered the temple.

to be continued!

10.23.2014

soooo happy


two weeks ago today -- and i still cannot even start to get over what an incredibly beautiful and joyful day it was. i am dying to see the pictures our photographer took, but in the meantime am just pouring over every iphone shot passed on by family and friends that i can get my hands on! 

i think these few give a little idea of how insanely happy i felt coming out of the temple to greet family and friends:
and i love this shot my sister shawni snapped of my dad's happiness, too:
clearly we were a little oblivious to the chaos of all those people we love so dearly arranging for photographs!:
gosh it was such a happy day.
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